I can't believe how stubborn some people can be. Regardless of what course of action you take in order to enlighten them, they all prove to be fruitless attempts. I suppose that is my flaw as well, I always want to make the other party understand, regardless of their level of stubbornness.
You might say, why don't you just clearly say to them that they're a stubborn fool? I tried. And I'm certain this person will proudly say that they are indeed stubborn and a fool and will not change who they are. See? This is ridiculous. This person has some serious issues that they can't deal with.
Every. Single. Advice. That I give was either rejected or ignored. Every. Single. Comment. Was counter-attacked. I've given up. There is no way such a person can ever be changed unless there's a more powerful force. Unfortunately, I am not it.
Continue on, Stubborn Fool. You might get what you want, but we'll see where that will get you.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
It's time...
Mortality. It's not a common topic to be discussed, especially so openly within a conservative community. It needs to be ingrained in tradition and culture before it can fully be embraced. But before it can be accepted at such a large scale, it needs to be understood at the smallest scale possible, ourselves.
And time. Have you ever pondered your life as a series of film reels? And then wondered how you could possibly remember the things you experienced when you were 3 to suddenly break off from your dream-state to your office desk staring at a computer screen? The notion of time is almost invisible at this point.
Time is immortal. Yet, our decaying bodies are not. I've never been so close to death, nor seen it, and truthfully, I probably wouldn't like to either. But as time passes by, slowly, slowly, us mortals will be swallowed by the earth and left behind as memories. It's even harder when we are suspended in time and mortality. Unable to leave and determine to stay.
I'm sorry for the rather cryptic and confusing post. I'm merely trying to collect my own thoughts on what has been happening and what will happen, perhaps some time soon too. Everything's so sombre right now. I don't think I even have the time to comprehend that this is affecting my work life. But I think it is better to let go of the thoughts rather than bear the burden even longer.
My grandmother is currently not in the best state, physically. Psychologically, she is searching for something before letting go of this mortal world. We don't know what yet, but she is definitely clinging onto something.
I heard of her situation not too long ago, but even then she was still physically able to move and talk and hold conversations albeit a little off topic and random. Oftentimes she would mistake one person for another, but at the very least she was still able to recollect from her memory banks. But yesterday, she suddenly took turn for the worse and couldn't speak nor wake up, the only things she could move were her fingers. And she looks perpetually asleep.
I'm not physically where she is right now because I'm overseas but I think I'm comforted by the fact that most of her family members are there, especially her children. But I don't think I'll be able to see her when I go back for the holidays at the end of this year.
And yet, I think I'm content with the idea. She has had a long and plentiful life. She has lived long enough to enjoy and give her two-cents. But she's still hanging on, for something, for someone. I just hope she finds that person/thing soon, because the idea of her lying there unable to wake up and let go of this world pains me more than knowing she has let herself go to a better place.
Let's hope she finds whatever she needs to find. And soon.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
The Past Caught Up
This was essentially a story that I wrote when I was in high school as an exercise given by our teachers. I believe it was to sharpen our similes, metaphors and overall creative writing skills. And I'm happy to say it was a story that I was quite proud of. The only problem was I could remember the fundamentals of it but couldn't find the original so I rewrote this. I probably lack the same originality as the earlier version but I think it has the same spirit. In any case, enjoy. :)
The waves crashed loudly onto the side of the rocks. Down by the sandy beach the water swayed harshly back and forth. The wind is picking up, thought the lonely figure standing safely where the water cannot claw at him.
The man looked on, onto the vast sea, the strong wind accompanied his gaze.
He stood for a long time. Remembering. Remembering the time before the decaying fences barricaded the edge where the sand meet the people. Remembering the time when everyone's favourite pastime was to lay on the golden dunes and embrace the warmth of the sun.
Remembering that one faithful day when he thought the world was against him and that Death whispered so closely in his ear.
That day, that wonderful day when the wind was none and the sun was friendly. And the waters, the waters were just heavenly to the touch. He pedalled and pedalled, on and on towards the distance, as the water touched his arms and the waves crashed against his young body he welcomed them all and waited for the biggest wave he can catch on his sturdy board.
But alas, no wave came but one cruel jerk, pulled him under as he hopelessly tried to cling onto the board. There was madness as he called for help, waved his hands violently, kicked and trashed to escape from whatever was holding onto him. In the distance he could see him.
Brother! Help! The words formed in his mind, but he wasn't sure whether the voice came out of his mouth. I'm going to die, that was the only thing that ran through him. The hopelessness.
The figure swam closer and closer. The water trashed even more than before. The wave crashed between the three figures. Limbs. Grey. Skin. Scale. Legs. Fins. He knew he could not stop moving. He kept kicking, punching at all cost. Regardless of what he kicked or punched. All he could see was just masses of limbs and hard scaly solid amongst the water.
Soon enough he ran out of energy and the last thing he saw was sharp teeth and his brother and then blackness engulfed him. And that was the last thing he remembered of that day.
Now, the man edged forward as he noticed a small piece of wood lying amongst the sand. He picked it up and realised it was a part of a sign, the word 'beware' adorning it. He stared at it for a little while and a small smile came across his face.
From behind him above the sandy beach on the paved road a car sounded its horn and he turned at the loud interruption. It was his brother calling him to get into the car. The man walked towards the road with the piece of wood clutched beside him and climbed out of the fence. As he was about to reach the car, he placed the board above another sign, straighten it, walked to the car and they drove away.
As he passed he glanced once more at the beach and the 'Beware of Sharks' sign and thought about it no more.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
A Present Musing
I have to say, I admire my past self for making the effort to write at least one blog post every week but the content seems to be very trivial and messy and incoherent most of the times. I suppose that just reflects who I was (and probably still is). Misspelled words, bad sentence structures, convoluted storytelling. All the making of horrible writing skills.
But even though I grimaced at my writing I actually am rather amused at how persistent my younger self was at updating the blog. I can't say the same to the present me. Writing has become a chore. It took too much time and too much effort. Regardless of how interesting a topic I wish to examine I always consider writing down my thoughts almost unnecessary because (to my mind) no one would read it.
Not necessarily true. Because these musings have become an entertainment to the future me. They're not necessarily great writing but they provide me with a window to my past. How I went through my early days. An archive of my younger years. But I suppose I became slightly wiser on my choice of topics now (hoping here). And I digress, instead I should start with a topic to opine. Something to toggle that brain of mine with reasonings and arguments.
On the other hand, I feel apprehensive about posting my own thoughts. What if this suddenly becomes a gateway to personal hatred or worse internet trolling? The possibilities are of course there after all, granted, the chance of it being very slim. I suppose I should make the effort first even if it dwindles towards the end at least I should be happy with the thought that I have made an attempt. Like now.
But even though I grimaced at my writing I actually am rather amused at how persistent my younger self was at updating the blog. I can't say the same to the present me. Writing has become a chore. It took too much time and too much effort. Regardless of how interesting a topic I wish to examine I always consider writing down my thoughts almost unnecessary because (to my mind) no one would read it.
Not necessarily true. Because these musings have become an entertainment to the future me. They're not necessarily great writing but they provide me with a window to my past. How I went through my early days. An archive of my younger years. But I suppose I became slightly wiser on my choice of topics now (hoping here). And I digress, instead I should start with a topic to opine. Something to toggle that brain of mine with reasonings and arguments.
On the other hand, I feel apprehensive about posting my own thoughts. What if this suddenly becomes a gateway to personal hatred or worse internet trolling? The possibilities are of course there after all, granted, the chance of it being very slim. I suppose I should make the effort first even if it dwindles towards the end at least I should be happy with the thought that I have made an attempt. Like now.
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Well that's just nice of you...
So, I've actually have written a rather cryptic post on the same thing that I will be writing in this particular post as well on my other blog. I still am not able to comprehend the matter so I shall write here and release all my opinion (or ramblings) over here in greater detail. I apologise beforehand if this will take a very long time to read.
Well, long story short, I obtained a new gadget recently which replaced my other gadget, ok fine let's be honest, I bought a new laptop to replace my old, years-worn, lagging, absolutely outdated laptop and furthermore I have owned my previous laptop close to 5 years now and still love it nonetheless (though it is in another's loving possession at the moment). I was excited but I did not want to reveal to the world that I have obtained this fascinating new baby, though having said that I hinted and tweeted. I think that was my first fault in this whole business, Twitter. But even then I still cannot comprehend their behaviour for calling me in such a profane language.
Anyway, I initially did not tell the world I have gotten this new item and left it at "my new baby has arrived" vague comment. And even then I did not reveal anything until someone asked me. Well either way, they voiced their opinion saying that they were jealous of the fact that I have obtained a new laptop and I quite clearly tried to steer away from the subject knowing how previously they said they wanted one for themselves prior to me obtaining the new laptop. Apparently, steering away the subject from such a person is useless. They didn't pester me about it, they hold a "grudge" instead.
In this way, we have the main outline of what happened, I obtained a new product, they got jealous but still polite, a couple of polite conversations ensued, until their sudden outburst whilst conversing on instant messenger by the use of the word, "b*tch". I was perplexed for a second thinking the outburst is due to some workplace conflict/s and/or person/s. So I clearly said to the person that I was hoping that particular sentiment is not directed towards me. Oh how wrong I was. Without a word of apology they continued with stating how they're still "holding a grudge" against me for obtaining this new laptop that I badly needed.
This got me thinking, did they genuinely filled that particular word with mockery or, worse, hatred? Although such a word have never been said in front of my face I would probably not mind as much if they were said in light mockery but however much I tried to interpret it I just could not. I think it is mostly because I have never encountered anyone previously who have said that word clearly to my (not per se) face. Either way, I don't think the word have ever been used in light mockery, ever. Usually there's always some malicious intent underneath such a word, well, I usually associate the word in such a way.
Right now you are probably thinking that perhaps I was given my due, and I admit I might've been. But I think it was the fact that it was said by a friend that I found it quite surprising. And perhaps it is also because of my polite upbringing that restricted me from being overly rude and impolite that leaves me somehow question the intent behind this person's sudden outburst. I think it was also partly a fault of mine that as soon as that person wrote the word and found that it was intended for me that I defended myself by saying that I needed the laptop badly (politely stating it). I just believe in that particular occasion I should have left the conversation and not even bother replying. (As you can tell right about now it's not in my nature to confront and create conflict) Oh how I have wished to handle the situation differently and so do many others in the past. But alas the milk has been spilt and opinions have been exchanged there is no way that time can be reversed. Regardless, my regard and best opinion of this person would become lesser than what it used to be, much less. I have determined to slowly cease or at the very least lower the amount of contact between this person and me.
And if you are thinking how ridiculous it may seem, no, I do not have an excuse as to why you should not think so because I know no one is perfect but I can also hold a 'grudge'. I'm stubborn that way.
Well, long story short, I obtained a new gadget recently which replaced my other gadget, ok fine let's be honest, I bought a new laptop to replace my old, years-worn, lagging, absolutely outdated laptop and furthermore I have owned my previous laptop close to 5 years now and still love it nonetheless (though it is in another's loving possession at the moment). I was excited but I did not want to reveal to the world that I have obtained this fascinating new baby, though having said that I hinted and tweeted. I think that was my first fault in this whole business, Twitter. But even then I still cannot comprehend their behaviour for calling me in such a profane language.
Anyway, I initially did not tell the world I have gotten this new item and left it at "my new baby has arrived" vague comment. And even then I did not reveal anything until someone asked me. Well either way, they voiced their opinion saying that they were jealous of the fact that I have obtained a new laptop and I quite clearly tried to steer away from the subject knowing how previously they said they wanted one for themselves prior to me obtaining the new laptop. Apparently, steering away the subject from such a person is useless. They didn't pester me about it, they hold a "grudge" instead.
In this way, we have the main outline of what happened, I obtained a new product, they got jealous but still polite, a couple of polite conversations ensued, until their sudden outburst whilst conversing on instant messenger by the use of the word, "b*tch". I was perplexed for a second thinking the outburst is due to some workplace conflict/s and/or person/s. So I clearly said to the person that I was hoping that particular sentiment is not directed towards me. Oh how wrong I was. Without a word of apology they continued with stating how they're still "holding a grudge" against me for obtaining this new laptop that I badly needed.
This got me thinking, did they genuinely filled that particular word with mockery or, worse, hatred? Although such a word have never been said in front of my face I would probably not mind as much if they were said in light mockery but however much I tried to interpret it I just could not. I think it is mostly because I have never encountered anyone previously who have said that word clearly to my (not per se) face. Either way, I don't think the word have ever been used in light mockery, ever. Usually there's always some malicious intent underneath such a word, well, I usually associate the word in such a way.
Right now you are probably thinking that perhaps I was given my due, and I admit I might've been. But I think it was the fact that it was said by a friend that I found it quite surprising. And perhaps it is also because of my polite upbringing that restricted me from being overly rude and impolite that leaves me somehow question the intent behind this person's sudden outburst. I think it was also partly a fault of mine that as soon as that person wrote the word and found that it was intended for me that I defended myself by saying that I needed the laptop badly (politely stating it). I just believe in that particular occasion I should have left the conversation and not even bother replying. (As you can tell right about now it's not in my nature to confront and create conflict) Oh how I have wished to handle the situation differently and so do many others in the past. But alas the milk has been spilt and opinions have been exchanged there is no way that time can be reversed. Regardless, my regard and best opinion of this person would become lesser than what it used to be, much less. I have determined to slowly cease or at the very least lower the amount of contact between this person and me.
And if you are thinking how ridiculous it may seem, no, I do not have an excuse as to why you should not think so because I know no one is perfect but I can also hold a 'grudge'. I'm stubborn that way.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
And another thing...
Don't ever forcibly pursue something you may never reach yet. As in a flight of stairs sometimes we run until out of breath or walk casually. But we don't jump too high because we might roll back to the bottom.
As in life, sometimes we wished too far and disappoint ourselves as we too slowly reach that final destination. But perhaps having a destination is never bad, it's just these flight of stairs have their own mind and our feet are sometimes too tired to endure. But I don't mind. I don't feel like I should be disappointed when my feet fail me or even when my mind cannot comprehend the inability of my physical self in keeping up with its speed. Because I know for certain that I will get there eventually. I run when I want and I walk when I need to but I never fail to enjoy the scenery as I slowly ascend towards the top.
PS. I sometimes feel compelled to write some cryptic motivational messages for no reason. I think there is something poignantly endearing about those words of advice in the form of metaphorical imageries. As well, they are open to interpretations.
As in life, sometimes we wished too far and disappoint ourselves as we too slowly reach that final destination. But perhaps having a destination is never bad, it's just these flight of stairs have their own mind and our feet are sometimes too tired to endure. But I don't mind. I don't feel like I should be disappointed when my feet fail me or even when my mind cannot comprehend the inability of my physical self in keeping up with its speed. Because I know for certain that I will get there eventually. I run when I want and I walk when I need to but I never fail to enjoy the scenery as I slowly ascend towards the top.
PS. I sometimes feel compelled to write some cryptic motivational messages for no reason. I think there is something poignantly endearing about those words of advice in the form of metaphorical imageries. As well, they are open to interpretations.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Fear
What I fear weren't the objects that can hurt me nor the people that might despise me but rather what I fear is my inability to face the objects that can hurt me and the people that might despise me.
Fear is inherently difficult to ignore. We have phobias, aversions and dislikes. What we need to do is face all of these and turn them into our strength. But what to do when indeed what you really fear is within yourself, the inability to face them is perhaps more damaging than the objects that we fear.
We can't ignore them because life itself is full of these 'fears' but what we can is force ourselves to solve these 'fears' one by one, bit by bit until the time comes when we can finally face it. But alas, what if those are false hopes? Fear is inevitable but what we can do is put a mask above our real selves and face it. Embrace the character. Let yourself loose. Be someone. But again, don't lose yourself in the process. Because once your mask becomes too fitting and too tight against your face there is no way for it to come undone.
Be somewhere where you can take off that mask and fear now and again. Don't be scared to fear something, just persevere. Because everyone has a mask that they hide behind. You just can't distinguish them because they're all smiling.
Fear is inherently difficult to ignore. We have phobias, aversions and dislikes. What we need to do is face all of these and turn them into our strength. But what to do when indeed what you really fear is within yourself, the inability to face them is perhaps more damaging than the objects that we fear.
We can't ignore them because life itself is full of these 'fears' but what we can is force ourselves to solve these 'fears' one by one, bit by bit until the time comes when we can finally face it. But alas, what if those are false hopes? Fear is inevitable but what we can do is put a mask above our real selves and face it. Embrace the character. Let yourself loose. Be someone. But again, don't lose yourself in the process. Because once your mask becomes too fitting and too tight against your face there is no way for it to come undone.
Be somewhere where you can take off that mask and fear now and again. Don't be scared to fear something, just persevere. Because everyone has a mask that they hide behind. You just can't distinguish them because they're all smiling.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
The irony of an Asian life
Everyday you will hear about unusual weather, rains, temperatures and floodings, of course all of them are blamed upon the people's disconcerting attitude towards the environment. I was born and raised in a beautiful country, only you would only call this country beautiful through the lens and clips they show on TV. Once you have gone out of your indoor haven you are faced with the reality of the situation, you have been fooled. Roads littered with remnants of yesterday's activities, cats scavenging for pieces of food, rats running pass in front of you as if there was nothing stopping them, the air filled with filth and foreign elements.
The irony seems to be that every time we blame the government for not taking actions we didn't stop and look at what we ourselves have done. We tried to overlook the existence of our own doings. We blamed the changing climate to global warming and yet still throw our thrashes on the road. Of course you might say we have to do things one step at a time, but at this rate every time we take a step forward it feels like we're taking two steps back. At this very rate it feels like all hopes have disappeared from making this country a possible place to live. I love it, it's my home, but honestly, it's so corrupted with filth and gunk I don't think it would ever be possible to clean all of them.
The irony seems to be that every time we blame the government for not taking actions we didn't stop and look at what we ourselves have done. We tried to overlook the existence of our own doings. We blamed the changing climate to global warming and yet still throw our thrashes on the road. Of course you might say we have to do things one step at a time, but at this rate every time we take a step forward it feels like we're taking two steps back. At this very rate it feels like all hopes have disappeared from making this country a possible place to live. I love it, it's my home, but honestly, it's so corrupted with filth and gunk I don't think it would ever be possible to clean all of them.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Random Thoughts 001
Asia is probably the only continent where you feel like you're speeding at 40km/hr and drive normally at 100km/hr.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
And on that point...
Why does people insist on calling others 'stupid'? I hate being called 'stupid' even though the word is probably said teasingly. Though, I still don't get these people who just easily throw the word around like it won't hurt the person the word is being directed at...
I never liked the word. I believe it's condescending to the person being directed at, regardless of whether the word was said as a joke or in a light note. And I have this tendency to immediately defend myself when I am being called as such, I mean there are other words that have a lot less impact, convey the same meaning and still retain that light mockery that I can easily accept, such as dummy or silly, but to me this 'word' is just condescending, derogatory, disrespectful and just a word I would never use especially to my fellow friends (unless they have done something that is equivalent to the word itself, an example you might ask yet I have none).
I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I might have to stop this person saying that word to me some time soon, maybe the next time that person uses that word again. We'll see.
I never liked the word. I believe it's condescending to the person being directed at, regardless of whether the word was said as a joke or in a light note. And I have this tendency to immediately defend myself when I am being called as such, I mean there are other words that have a lot less impact, convey the same meaning and still retain that light mockery that I can easily accept, such as dummy or silly, but to me this 'word' is just condescending, derogatory, disrespectful and just a word I would never use especially to my fellow friends (unless they have done something that is equivalent to the word itself, an example you might ask yet I have none).
I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I might have to stop this person saying that word to me some time soon, maybe the next time that person uses that word again. We'll see.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Setidak-tidaknya ombak telah membawa kita ke tempat yang penuh petualangan.
At least the sea has brought us to places filled with adventures.
Sepanjang jalan kita telah bertemu dengan teman-teman yang berada di sisi kita tetapi tidak semua menempuh tujuan yang sama dan kita mungkin akan berpisah tetapi ingatan itu tidak akan terlupakan. Berbahagialah bila kamu bisa bertemu dengan seseorang yang akan berada di sisimu sampai akhir jalan itu.
Along the road you will find friends who will be by your side but not all will have the same destination, we might part ways along the road but the memory will always last. Be happy when you find someone who will be there by your side until the end of your journey.
Semua jalan mempunyai berbagai halangan tetapi jangan berkecil hati, ingatlah kebahagiaan yang didapatkan dari setiap rintangan.
Every path has difficulties but don't give up hope, remember the happiness you feel from every struggle.
Untuk setiap kebahagiaan aku berterima kasih kepadamu. Karena engkaulah yang telah membahagiakan aku.
For every joyful moment I am thankful to you. Because you are the one who has brought that happiness to me.
Janganlah takut dan terbanglah ke udara, wahai layang-layangku. Aku akan berada di sini, memegang erat talimu, jadi percayalah padaku aku akan terus menjagamu.
Don't be afraid to fly, my dear little kite. I will be right here, holding on to you, so have faith in me I will always keep you grounded as you fly up high.
Setiap saat engkau melihat ke langit malam berterima kasihlah kepada matahari yang telah tidur. Setiap saat engkau terbangun di pagi hari berterima kasihlah kepada bulan yang telah membangunkan matahari.
Everytime you look at the night sky be thankful to the sun who has gone to sleep. Everytime you wake up in the morning be thankful to the moon who has woken up the sun.
Di dunia ini berbagai macam manusia hidup. Dan tidaklah harus engkau berteman dengan semuanya. Tidaklah salah untuk merasa tertinggal ataupun bersedih, tidaklah salah untuk tertawa di masa yang buruk, dan tidaklah salah untuk bersendirian. Kita hanyalah manusia yang membutuhkan kehangatan sesama saat dibutuhkan dan ingin bersendiri saat diinginkan. Janganlah merasa bersalah. Kita hanyalah manusia.
In this world there are all kinds of people. And it is not possible to befriend all of them. It is not wrong to feel you have been left behind or feel sadness, it is not wrong to laugh at your bad fortunes and it is not wrong to be alone. We are all humans who needs warmth of others when we need it and loneliness when we want it. So don't feel like you have done wrong. We are all human after all.
Walaupun engkau selalu melakukan hal buruk terhadapku, kau pernah sekali menyelamatkanku daripada itu aku berhutang budi kepadamu.
For all the dirty tricks you have played on me you saved me once and for that I am indebted.
At least the sea has brought us to places filled with adventures.
Sepanjang jalan kita telah bertemu dengan teman-teman yang berada di sisi kita tetapi tidak semua menempuh tujuan yang sama dan kita mungkin akan berpisah tetapi ingatan itu tidak akan terlupakan. Berbahagialah bila kamu bisa bertemu dengan seseorang yang akan berada di sisimu sampai akhir jalan itu.
Along the road you will find friends who will be by your side but not all will have the same destination, we might part ways along the road but the memory will always last. Be happy when you find someone who will be there by your side until the end of your journey.
Semua jalan mempunyai berbagai halangan tetapi jangan berkecil hati, ingatlah kebahagiaan yang didapatkan dari setiap rintangan.
Every path has difficulties but don't give up hope, remember the happiness you feel from every struggle.
Untuk setiap kebahagiaan aku berterima kasih kepadamu. Karena engkaulah yang telah membahagiakan aku.
For every joyful moment I am thankful to you. Because you are the one who has brought that happiness to me.
Janganlah takut dan terbanglah ke udara, wahai layang-layangku. Aku akan berada di sini, memegang erat talimu, jadi percayalah padaku aku akan terus menjagamu.
Don't be afraid to fly, my dear little kite. I will be right here, holding on to you, so have faith in me I will always keep you grounded as you fly up high.
Setiap saat engkau melihat ke langit malam berterima kasihlah kepada matahari yang telah tidur. Setiap saat engkau terbangun di pagi hari berterima kasihlah kepada bulan yang telah membangunkan matahari.
Everytime you look at the night sky be thankful to the sun who has gone to sleep. Everytime you wake up in the morning be thankful to the moon who has woken up the sun.
Di dunia ini berbagai macam manusia hidup. Dan tidaklah harus engkau berteman dengan semuanya. Tidaklah salah untuk merasa tertinggal ataupun bersedih, tidaklah salah untuk tertawa di masa yang buruk, dan tidaklah salah untuk bersendirian. Kita hanyalah manusia yang membutuhkan kehangatan sesama saat dibutuhkan dan ingin bersendiri saat diinginkan. Janganlah merasa bersalah. Kita hanyalah manusia.
In this world there are all kinds of people. And it is not possible to befriend all of them. It is not wrong to feel you have been left behind or feel sadness, it is not wrong to laugh at your bad fortunes and it is not wrong to be alone. We are all humans who needs warmth of others when we need it and loneliness when we want it. So don't feel like you have done wrong. We are all human after all.
Walaupun engkau selalu melakukan hal buruk terhadapku, kau pernah sekali menyelamatkanku daripada itu aku berhutang budi kepadamu.
For all the dirty tricks you have played on me you saved me once and for that I am indebted.
Monday, July 14, 2008
No more
"write me a story,
better yet
tell me one,
tell me one"
"but it is a story old as folklore,
yet as tragic as time."
"then burden me with nothing but laughter,
shower me with glee,
bring me tears pouring with sweetness,
so tell me what thee see."
these were the words given to me,
by an unwise of the unwise,
he was short as a young 'un tree,
but as old as ancient,
he was one of the ones,
who is terribly ignorant.
never once did he feel the need to see,
beyond the mountains and borders,
that somewhere out there,
as far away as the edge of sea,
a world like an other,
filled with beautiful requiems,
sad melodies,
a world he fails to see,
he wanted a story,
but all i have is a life where
sadness befalls,
happiness betrays,
loves never,
and joy affrays.
"but i have no such story,"
i said to the joyful old man.
"rubbish!" he exclaimed,
his belly bounced as he happily dismissed
my very serious stare.
"the world out there is complex,
i was uncertain,
yet i was forced. I was burdened,
to accept. Yes I had to go, no matter what
because of your will."
"yes yes because i want to know what it is you see,"
said he
warnings and warnings i give,
but the old man persists.
i sighed one last time.
"well let's see...
i saw the green snake,
hanging from the tree,
tempting me.
i saw beautiful maidens,
sitting by the rocks,
singing oh so sweetly.
i saw plenty,
beautiful things,
marvellous wonders,
magnificent miracles,
glorious treasures.
but i also saw plenty,
what i have never seen before,
what i have never imagine,
what i have not feel,
what i do not wish to tell."
my eyes stared deep,
telling him to stop
let me in peace
and disturb me no more.
"so tell me,
tell me."
said he, persistently.
ignorant fool.
"i have nothing to tell,
that is of your want."
"nonsense!", cried the old fool.
and so that day
as i tell the story
of what i have seen
of what i have felt
of what i did not dream
will be the day
he felt
another besides happiness
another besides joy
another besides hope
draining all
perishing all,
and no more.
the old man,
who is as tall as a young 'un tree,
heard the story,
to this day his belly
does not bounce of laughter
his smile
is sorry and sorrowful
his laugh
is shortened to a sigh
what happened that day?
what was the story told?
what can make a jovial person
turn into such doll?
warnings you have been given
and i shall not reveal
what i have told
to the old man still.
well... i shall say no more.
better yet
tell me one,
tell me one"
"but it is a story old as folklore,
yet as tragic as time."
"then burden me with nothing but laughter,
shower me with glee,
bring me tears pouring with sweetness,
so tell me what thee see."
these were the words given to me,
by an unwise of the unwise,
he was short as a young 'un tree,
but as old as ancient,
he was one of the ones,
who is terribly ignorant.
never once did he feel the need to see,
beyond the mountains and borders,
that somewhere out there,
as far away as the edge of sea,
a world like an other,
filled with beautiful requiems,
sad melodies,
a world he fails to see,
he wanted a story,
but all i have is a life where
sadness befalls,
happiness betrays,
loves never,
and joy affrays.
"but i have no such story,"
i said to the joyful old man.
"rubbish!" he exclaimed,
his belly bounced as he happily dismissed
my very serious stare.
"the world out there is complex,
i was uncertain,
yet i was forced. I was burdened,
to accept. Yes I had to go, no matter what
because of your will."
"yes yes because i want to know what it is you see,"
said he
warnings and warnings i give,
but the old man persists.
i sighed one last time.
"well let's see...
i saw the green snake,
hanging from the tree,
tempting me.
i saw beautiful maidens,
sitting by the rocks,
singing oh so sweetly.
i saw plenty,
beautiful things,
marvellous wonders,
magnificent miracles,
glorious treasures.
but i also saw plenty,
what i have never seen before,
what i have never imagine,
what i have not feel,
what i do not wish to tell."
my eyes stared deep,
telling him to stop
let me in peace
and disturb me no more.
"so tell me,
tell me."
said he, persistently.
ignorant fool.
"i have nothing to tell,
that is of your want."
"nonsense!", cried the old fool.
and so that day
as i tell the story
of what i have seen
of what i have felt
of what i did not dream
will be the day
he felt
another besides happiness
another besides joy
another besides hope
draining all
perishing all,
and no more.
the old man,
who is as tall as a young 'un tree,
heard the story,
to this day his belly
does not bounce of laughter
his smile
is sorry and sorrowful
his laugh
is shortened to a sigh
what happened that day?
what was the story told?
what can make a jovial person
turn into such doll?
warnings you have been given
and i shall not reveal
what i have told
to the old man still.
well... i shall say no more.
Friday, May 18, 2007
NEW BLOG!
I was getting tired of this one so I decided to make another one with a better name visit moi here: http://bunnirampage.blogspot.com
See ya!
See ya!
Monday, April 16, 2007
update update!
was just mucking around and i noticed that i haven't updated the blog in ages...
The results of your analysis say:
You are driven and ambitious and tend to make radical moves to reach your goals.
You are a direct and forthright person. You like to get to the core of the issue right away, with few signs of hesitation.
You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.
You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.
What does your drawing say about YOU?
The results of your analysis say:
You are driven and ambitious and tend to make radical moves to reach your goals.
You are a direct and forthright person. You like to get to the core of the issue right away, with few signs of hesitation.
You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.
You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.
What does your drawing say about YOU?
Friday, February 09, 2007
It's been way too long~
Ok ok I know I haven't been here for quite some time... actually more like a heck long time. But I have to admit I have been getting pretty lazy updating my blog lately, I think I get tired of old things quite regularly. A~nyways just to keep things up to date with everything that I have been doing these days since the holidays started (and omg when will it end?!?) I have been bludging (no duh!), procrastinating etc etc~ (you get the jiff)
B~ut one fine day of December my wonderful cousin suddenly said out of the blue "let's go overseas" so there comes a time when you suddenly have an unplanned tour (quite ironic really) to (wouldn't ya know it) Hong Kong! WOOT! So we suddenly found ourselves rushing to buy clothes (not much just the bare necessities) for the trip (it's winter there) and after that off we go~
See we were lucky to even be accepted into the tour since all the other tours are not accepting anymore and we were even luckier to find that there's only about 15 (more or less) people in our tour group (coz usually tours like these consist of around 30 people). We went on a one-week tour where we went around to the tourist attractions around HK and we also went to Shenzhen which is (I think) near the border between HK and China. Funny enough we were the only ONLY kids group in the tour. Usually you go with these kinds of tours with your family but I went with my cousin and my little bro, so it was quite an unusual sight.
Anyways I don't really want to talk too much about it since I kinda can't be bothered to type up what we did but one thing for sure it was fun to celebrate the New Year in HK Disneyland! (WOOT!!!) that was AWESOME with a capital A! :P But there's way too many people there but it's expected~ hehe. So after the short one-week trip I said goodbye, au revoir, auf wiedersehen to my bro and my cousin because they went back to Jakarta with the tour whereas I extended my stay over in HK mostly to go around the shopping malls (the shopping here is F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!) and they open late and close really late at night! Hehe it definitely fits my lifestyle (getting up late and sleeping even later :P) and then I went to Nanjing to visit my aunt and went there via a sleepover train from HK, 'twas fun! Nanjing was way colder than Sydney though I have to wear about 4 layers of clothing and still freezin' nonetheless it was really fun going around chasing rouge buses and visited several historical sites. I couldn't believe I actually stayed there (overseas) for about a month! That was quite astonishing really considering I'm actually holidaying there (Indo is a completely different category altogether so don't compare 'em)
It's tiring to have to write them down in this blog and even more boring to have read a v-e-r-y long blog, so I'll keep it short for now. Photos are available but considering the bad internet connection here I don't think I will do it YET~
O yeah just some info on what happened in Jkt at the mo, a few days after I touched down in Jkt after HK the whole place was suddenly immersed in water! We have bad floods ever few years or so and apparently this year was one of 'em. Several places got flooded up to around 2 meters or several places near rivers got flooded up to 3 meters, now THAT'S scary, fortunately our place here isn't affected although we haven't had water for a couple of days, no worries this usually happens it's just the small area within our block it'll probably be back after the flooding subsides, don't really know when that'll happen since it's monsoon season. But it's definitely bad at some areas though, the water even goes up to roof level and some people have to live in places that have been 'organised' or didn't get affected, because of this some of them can't get access to food and people that are able to stay on the second floor of their houses (because their first level is completely immersed in water) are in dire of food and water, this thing has caused several bad connections of phone lines, internet and electricity. We're preparing for the worse but I have a feeling this thing would calm down soon because it has been about a week and I don't want to have to celebrate CNY that way :P
Neways~ see ya all soon I'll be back on the 21st~ bai bai ^--^
B~ut one fine day of December my wonderful cousin suddenly said out of the blue "let's go overseas" so there comes a time when you suddenly have an unplanned tour (quite ironic really) to (wouldn't ya know it) Hong Kong! WOOT! So we suddenly found ourselves rushing to buy clothes (not much just the bare necessities) for the trip (it's winter there) and after that off we go~
See we were lucky to even be accepted into the tour since all the other tours are not accepting anymore and we were even luckier to find that there's only about 15 (more or less) people in our tour group (coz usually tours like these consist of around 30 people). We went on a one-week tour where we went around to the tourist attractions around HK and we also went to Shenzhen which is (I think) near the border between HK and China. Funny enough we were the only ONLY kids group in the tour. Usually you go with these kinds of tours with your family but I went with my cousin and my little bro, so it was quite an unusual sight.
Anyways I don't really want to talk too much about it since I kinda can't be bothered to type up what we did but one thing for sure it was fun to celebrate the New Year in HK Disneyland! (WOOT!!!) that was AWESOME with a capital A! :P But there's way too many people there but it's expected~ hehe. So after the short one-week trip I said goodbye, au revoir, auf wiedersehen to my bro and my cousin because they went back to Jakarta with the tour whereas I extended my stay over in HK mostly to go around the shopping malls (the shopping here is F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!) and they open late and close really late at night! Hehe it definitely fits my lifestyle (getting up late and sleeping even later :P) and then I went to Nanjing to visit my aunt and went there via a sleepover train from HK, 'twas fun! Nanjing was way colder than Sydney though I have to wear about 4 layers of clothing and still freezin' nonetheless it was really fun going around chasing rouge buses and visited several historical sites. I couldn't believe I actually stayed there (overseas) for about a month! That was quite astonishing really considering I'm actually holidaying there (Indo is a completely different category altogether so don't compare 'em)
It's tiring to have to write them down in this blog and even more boring to have read a v-e-r-y long blog, so I'll keep it short for now. Photos are available but considering the bad internet connection here I don't think I will do it YET~
O yeah just some info on what happened in Jkt at the mo, a few days after I touched down in Jkt after HK the whole place was suddenly immersed in water! We have bad floods ever few years or so and apparently this year was one of 'em. Several places got flooded up to around 2 meters or several places near rivers got flooded up to 3 meters, now THAT'S scary, fortunately our place here isn't affected although we haven't had water for a couple of days, no worries this usually happens it's just the small area within our block it'll probably be back after the flooding subsides, don't really know when that'll happen since it's monsoon season. But it's definitely bad at some areas though, the water even goes up to roof level and some people have to live in places that have been 'organised' or didn't get affected, because of this some of them can't get access to food and people that are able to stay on the second floor of their houses (because their first level is completely immersed in water) are in dire of food and water, this thing has caused several bad connections of phone lines, internet and electricity. We're preparing for the worse but I have a feeling this thing would calm down soon because it has been about a week and I don't want to have to celebrate CNY that way :P
Neways~ see ya all soon I'll be back on the 21st~ bai bai ^--^
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Long time no see
woah~! I never knew how long I've abandoned this space. But these days I think I have been way too lazy to do this kind of stuff. Mostly I don't know what to talk about or sometimes I just don't feel like typing for too long. I know that once I start typing it's pretty hard to stop (lol yeah who am I kidding?) Anyways, just a short message of avagoodholiday wish because IT'S SUMMER HOLIDAY PEOPLE~! Whee hooray!! Well in Australia neways... and anywhere in the tropics *grin* So what have I been up to since uni finished around 2 weeks ago? Nothing but bludging and procrastinating. After approximately one and half weeks of doing absolultely nothing I found myself in dire of trying to find something to do, that is excepting drawing because I have been in a constant blocked up stage these days. Well I have watched several dramas and whatnots these days such as Korean drama "My Name is Kim San Soon", "Full House" and several episodes of the korean gameshow "X-man" or sometimes may be called "Real Situation Sunday" it's way hilarious especially the "OfCourse" section of the gameshow such a crack-up. And I've finished (FINALLY!) watching Ghost in the Shell 1st GIG and finally finished the last episode of Mushishi (a jap anime). And I did go out several times and they were fun but sometimes may be tiring lol~ but nonetheless twas fun. So all in all the first few weeks of the holidays have been somewhat refreshing to have nothing to do but in the end it's a bit boring and having absolutely nothing to do is tiring (it drags you down physically as well as mentally) and I have never realised that a lot of people will be going away (overseas) this year. Well neways it's really nothing to worry too much about. But I'm looking forward to going back to Indo and fill all the little gaps from the holidays with hopefully fresh ideas (LOL) we shall see what happens then.
Right-o that is all from me. I did promise that it would be short and indeed I finally kept to that promise (lol). So hopefully everyone has a nice one and adios from me for now.
Right-o that is all from me. I did promise that it would be short and indeed I finally kept to that promise (lol). So hopefully everyone has a nice one and adios from me for now.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Volunteering for the greater good
WOOT! Finally the volunteering session has sadly passed away... Just a slight warning this is going to be a very long post. I will post the pictures letter because right now I did this in UTS library when I was supposed to be doing research for tomorrow's assignment (YES! Tomorrow's assignment!) :P
A~nyway, the helping out started om Friday, which was set-up day. Thinking that it might be a very busy job we ended up getting there on time but wasn't sure of how to get into the Townhall. Oo I should've established that I will be talking about the Animania volunteering experience. Right... so in the end we got nothing to do until all the stuff came. We did putting brochures and other 'junks' into the plastic bags that will be given to them on the day. That took long enough (pft yeah right!) We ended up finishing everything early. Of course what one has to do to amuse oneself from boredom. Indeed the game machines arrived! Alas! (note: we were unable to gain access to the upper level of the townhall where most of the actions will take place so we were stuck preparing stuff for downstairs which were merchandise and games section) it turned out to be quite fun indeed. Marina and I quickly grabbed the chance to played the Tekken arcade games when no one was looking or bored of the game so they scrambled away... Of course Nina always rules right Marina? :P hehe
Anyway there was nothing much to do besides helping Mum (a nick given to this guy named Muki who takes care of food etc at the festival apparently Dad only gave chocolates and sugar to those who are hungry :P although who can complain with that?!?) getting the food off a seafood shop at the qvb building. We didn't realised they provided food for the volunteers coz Marina and I were thinking of running away for a while to grab something to eat, in the end we didn't because they already provided food anyway.
Then there's the Saturday where everything starts to happen! We don't know what to expect since this was our first time volunteering. We were given the first duty of Cloak Room, it served the same purpose as storage location, where we put bags and other stuff people don't want to carry (and also weapons from cosplayers) and store 'em. And as I have said we didn't know what to expect. We were there early and then we were practically 'bored' when people haven't gone in. And then everything changed after they opened the door. I was in charge of registering the items. Basically what I had to do was getting their IDs and then tell them the policy (that Animania isn't liable for any damage or missing items from their properties) and assure them everything is safe after that :P and then ask them whether there's anything important within the properties etc, then assure them that once they put it in then check them out it is considered checking it out and therefore they have to pay again if they want to put them back, then I had to describe the items (but I was kinda relieved I didn't need to do most of the describing coz Marina and Cindy helped with it) then I had to sign the receipt and the registration. +__+ One advice I would give: do not do registration! Especially on the very first day. We were thinking maybe we could rotate the duties around but decided to stay with it coz it was getting really busy during our roster. Marina got the duty of grabbing the money and bags off of them and storing them away. Cindy got the duty of writing down receipts as well as telling the policy. Overall it was alright except everything gets a bit hectic and I did a huge stuff up when writing the number of the item (ie numbering them 0001, 0002 etc) +__+ which was greatly taken by Lexie for saying "it's alright" TT^TT (gomene~)
aah I should get back to my uni work... I shall finish this later on
peace out
A~nyway, the helping out started om Friday, which was set-up day. Thinking that it might be a very busy job we ended up getting there on time but wasn't sure of how to get into the Townhall. Oo I should've established that I will be talking about the Animania volunteering experience. Right... so in the end we got nothing to do until all the stuff came. We did putting brochures and other 'junks' into the plastic bags that will be given to them on the day. That took long enough (pft yeah right!) We ended up finishing everything early. Of course what one has to do to amuse oneself from boredom. Indeed the game machines arrived! Alas! (note: we were unable to gain access to the upper level of the townhall where most of the actions will take place so we were stuck preparing stuff for downstairs which were merchandise and games section) it turned out to be quite fun indeed. Marina and I quickly grabbed the chance to played the Tekken arcade games when no one was looking or bored of the game so they scrambled away... Of course Nina always rules right Marina? :P hehe
Anyway there was nothing much to do besides helping Mum (a nick given to this guy named Muki who takes care of food etc at the festival apparently Dad only gave chocolates and sugar to those who are hungry :P although who can complain with that?!?) getting the food off a seafood shop at the qvb building. We didn't realised they provided food for the volunteers coz Marina and I were thinking of running away for a while to grab something to eat, in the end we didn't because they already provided food anyway.
Then there's the Saturday where everything starts to happen! We don't know what to expect since this was our first time volunteering. We were given the first duty of Cloak Room, it served the same purpose as storage location, where we put bags and other stuff people don't want to carry (and also weapons from cosplayers) and store 'em. And as I have said we didn't know what to expect. We were there early and then we were practically 'bored' when people haven't gone in. And then everything changed after they opened the door. I was in charge of registering the items. Basically what I had to do was getting their IDs and then tell them the policy (that Animania isn't liable for any damage or missing items from their properties) and assure them everything is safe after that :P and then ask them whether there's anything important within the properties etc, then assure them that once they put it in then check them out it is considered checking it out and therefore they have to pay again if they want to put them back, then I had to describe the items (but I was kinda relieved I didn't need to do most of the describing coz Marina and Cindy helped with it) then I had to sign the receipt and the registration. +__+ One advice I would give: do not do registration! Especially on the very first day. We were thinking maybe we could rotate the duties around but decided to stay with it coz it was getting really busy during our roster. Marina got the duty of grabbing the money and bags off of them and storing them away. Cindy got the duty of writing down receipts as well as telling the policy. Overall it was alright except everything gets a bit hectic and I did a huge stuff up when writing the number of the item (ie numbering them 0001, 0002 etc) +__+ which was greatly taken by Lexie for saying "it's alright" TT^TT (gomene~)
aah I should get back to my uni work... I shall finish this later on
peace out
Saturday, September 16, 2006
go-kekkon omedeto gozaimasu
OMG! My aunt is going to be married TOMORROW!! And she's probably only about 25~ish? OMG OMG OMG! Tsk my mom is so slow at getting me in touch with this. Well at least she told me that her wedding ceremony is going to be tomorrow! *laughing out of nowhere* omg this is soo weird.
You see everytime I go back to Indo she's always the one who's willing to skip work (sometimes) or go away somewhere during the weekend. And now... TT_TT she's taken. Well she's already taken since I went back there (aka already has a boyfriend but now gonna be her husband) but she's always willing to go with me alone and she's so fun and tomboyish and childish and funny and it somehow feels like she's ageless or rather will 'never' marry (hahaha I'm being mean now) but also it's like I'm missing a great friend now...
*sigh* and now she's going to be married... hehe I'm being selfish I know... But I really am going to miss having the out-of-this-world person that I always hang around with. You might think that she's still gonna be the same but I'm sure that that it won't be the same now... o well... I'm really happy for her, don't get me wrong, I just kinda wish I'm there to congratulate her on her very special day and not being there feels like I kinda missed out a bit ^^; but I kinda already know from long ago that she probably will be married but don't know when.
Otherwise, may all their days filled with happiness, and immense wealth and well-being. I will pray for their happiness all the way across the sea ^^. I just have to remember to congratulate her tomorrow though :P
You see everytime I go back to Indo she's always the one who's willing to skip work (sometimes) or go away somewhere during the weekend. And now... TT_TT she's taken. Well she's already taken since I went back there (aka already has a boyfriend but now gonna be her husband) but she's always willing to go with me alone and she's so fun and tomboyish and childish and funny and it somehow feels like she's ageless or rather will 'never' marry (hahaha I'm being mean now) but also it's like I'm missing a great friend now...
*sigh* and now she's going to be married... hehe I'm being selfish I know... But I really am going to miss having the out-of-this-world person that I always hang around with. You might think that she's still gonna be the same but I'm sure that that it won't be the same now... o well... I'm really happy for her, don't get me wrong, I just kinda wish I'm there to congratulate her on her very special day and not being there feels like I kinda missed out a bit ^^; but I kinda already know from long ago that she probably will be married but don't know when.
Otherwise, may all their days filled with happiness, and immense wealth and well-being. I will pray for their happiness all the way across the sea ^^. I just have to remember to congratulate her tomorrow though :P
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